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Vepturian Ambush (Trigger Happy the Gremlin)/Transcript
Ecranian Battlefield Intro * (Cut to the Ecranian Courtroom. Robert Jacob is being trialed for his "crimes".) * Plaintiff: I declare Jacob is worthy of his punishment for leading the Void Monsters to our county! * Robert Jacob: (Sigh) Think of your best moment, Rob. * (The crowd throws pies in Jacob's direction. He activates his shield, with one of them spattering on the force field.) * Robert Jacob: Heh. * (Suddenly, a rocket cracks open the roof, sending the crowd into hysteria.) * Chancellor: Terrorist! * (The missile explodes, causing an ice cream cone to land on his head.) * Chancellor: Hmph. * Robert Jacob: I don't see those everyday. * Plaintiff: (Sigh) I wish I could say the same. * Justice of the Peace: We have bigger things to worry about than Jacob's crimes. We'll decide on his punishment later. * Plaintiff: (Snarling) You're lucky this time, Jacob. * Robert Jacob: Heh, heh. * Plaintiff: (Notices a monarch butterfly) Ooh! (Chases the butterfly out the door.) * Robert Jacob: Alright, fair enough, but who was the madman behind all of this? * (A Vepturian Swat Van drives in.) * Vepturian Marine: Surrender, or forever regret not doing so! * Chancellor: I'll never surrender, you cursed Vepturegeng! * Vepturian Marine: Very well. (Tosses a teddy bear at the Chancellor.) * Chancellor: Ack! (Falls down.) * Plaintiff: You'll regret this! * Vepturian Marine: Oh, will I? (Drives off.) Consider this a warning, Ecrania! * Robert Jacob: Alright, I may not be the director of this here nation, but I can assure you that we must... * Ecranian Chairman: All troops to there stations, this is not a drill! * Robert Jacob: Well than. * (Robert Jacob drives a gun truck through the Ecranian Battlefield.) * Robert Jacob: YAA! (Fires pistol) * (The armored car drives over a mine and explodes, leaving Jacob sitting on the ground holding the steering wheel.) * Robert Jacob: Hmph. (Throws the wheel unknowingly at a pig, causing them to ram him away.) Outro * Robert Jacob: I could get used to this. * (A Criminal Transport drives in.) * Barnett Felix: You have crossed into Vepturian Territory. Come with me. * Robert Jacob: But I'm not... (sigh). * (Robert Jacob walks in, disappointed. Barnett Felix starts driving.) * Barnett Felix: Ah, Jacob. Remember me? * Robert Jacob: No, no I do not. * Barnett Felix: Come on, it's me, Barney? You know, right. * Robert Jacob: Yeah... no. * Barnett Felix: Smell ya later? * Robert Jacob: AYY! Barney, mah man. * Barnett Felix: You'd think destiny would separate us further, not bring us closer, right? * Robert Jacob: Yeah, no kidding, you are only the Barnett Felix, after all! * Barnett Felix: Yeah, I owe you a ginger beer or two. * Vepturian Officer: What is this? * Barnett Felix: Uh... hauling a prisoner. * Vepturian Officer: Let me onto him. * Barnett Felix: Yeah, maybe, uh... (throws a banana at him). * Vepturian Battle Suit: Enemy acquired (feedback sound). * Barnett Felix: Oh sh- * (Criminal Transporter is shot by a Nuclear Recoilless Rifle.) * Barnett Felix: -ield. * Robert Jacob: Let's not dillydally, Barney, we can fight on foot. Jed-Berg City Outro * (A second Criminal Transport drives out of the garage they reached.) * Robert Jacob: Ah yeah! Pimp my ride! * Barnett Felix: Now, now, we probably count as outlaws at this point, but let's keep our language G for now. * Robert Jacob: What? I said "ride". * (The two of them board it.) * Vepturian Constable: (Eating a donut) There they are! * Barnett Felix: Ah bu diddly-ah, damaging. * Vepturian Police: Get Criminal Transporter #69. * Barnett Felix: These are numbered? * Robert Jacob: FLOOR IT! * (Felix hits the gas pedal, and they drive off.) * Robert Jacob: Bogeys on our tail! * Barnett Felix: Bah, the Bogeyman knows not to bother us at night. * Robert Jacob: (Facepalm) THERE IS A FLEET OF VEPTURIAN COPS AFTER US! * Barnett Felix: (Looks behind) Ah, what the helicopter, I can take them on easily. * (Felix activates the lasers on the Criminal Transporter.) * Robert Jacob: Woah! Blasters? * Barnett Felix: Don't pretend to be surprised; this IS a Vepturian Vehicle, after all. * (Felix spins 90 degrees, than has the lasers explode the Vepturian Buggies.) * Barnett Felix: Yeah! Get wrecked! * (The laser beams also explode some Vepturian Skyscrapers.) * Barnett Felix: Ah crayfish. Desert Temple Disintegration Intro * Robert Jacob: Ah, here it is. The Cairn. * Terrence Jacob: I, for one, thought it would be bigger. * Robert Jacob: Size doesn't matter, Terry. What does is us finding the- * Tyler Jacob: SNAKES! * Robert Jacob: Oh. (Throws his torch at the snakes, causing them to slither away.) * Terrence Jacob: Now that's what I call a simple technique! * Robert Jacob: Aye? * (The Vepturegeng are holding the "dead" body of Serpent, who awakens for a few seconds.) * Ruffian: Hmph. What brings you here, Jacob? * Robert Jacob: We're looking for Perdita. I thought you were on our side. * Ruffian: Our name IS Vepturegeng, Jacob, you should expect nothing of us. We must fuse to become the Golden God. * Robert Jacob: Huh. Alliterative. * Ruffian: Look, Venturian, go stuck your nose in someone else's business, you will not fare well against a Gold Being. * Robert Jacob: Gold is easily bendable, Ruff, we'll be done with that shiny thing in minutes. * Ruffian: Prove it. (The Vepturegeng each hold one another's hands) Ave Aurum. * (The six of them are transformed into the Golden God, along with Perdita's corpse.) * Robert Jacob: Sweet Mother Earth! * Golden God: Agnus Dei! Agnus Dei! Song ah! Ya ya, ya ah! * Robert Jacob: Wow, so you're Indonesian now? * (The Golden God rips a chunk of the temple's wall and tosses it at Boyce, knocking him into the Void.) * Robert Jacob: BOYCE! (Looks to the Golden God) Now you're asking for trouble, Goldilocks. Outro * Robert Jacob: ESCAPE! (Robert turns to the exit.) PRISCO, NO! * Prisco Jacob: (Sticks his head out of a pile of gold.) Sorry, Bobby, I've found my fortune- * (The area Prisco is sitting on fragments, and he dissolves into the Void. Robert stares in shock, before being dragged to the next room by Cyan Jacob.) * Cyan Jacob: I'm afraid it happened, Robbie. It happened. * (The Golden God tears through the walls, sending Scarlet Rock cabling flying.) * Golden God: Sentimus ardenti te, ardens, ardere nos sentire e. * Robert Jacob: Oh, so you're Latin now! * Cyan Jacob: (Facepalms) That is besides the point. The Flooded Hole Intro * Robert Jacob: ESCAPE! * Cyan Jacob: I can sorta see that's our plan of action. * (The Golden God knocks down a water tower, causing a flood.) * Golden God: NYAHAHAHAHAAH! * Cyan Jacob: What language, now? * Robert Jacob: Maniacal laughter. We better run. * (The two of them are swept away. Robert Jacob almost falls into a spike pit.) * Robert Jacob: GAAAAAA! * Cyan Jacob: Robert! * (Cyan grabs Robert, narrowly saving him.) * Robert Jacob: Alright, let's get this clunker. Outro * (The Golden God flies out of the temple.) * Robert Jacob: Phew, we repelled that "god". * Cyan Jacob: We probably didn't defeat him for long. * (Collapsing sound is heard.) * Cyan Jacob: Now what is that? * Robert Jacob: Our cue to leave. * (The duo run out of the Cairn as it breaks up.) Category:Customs by Trigger Happy the Gremlin Category:Venture Category:Venture: Revolution